yeah.. about today.

Ive been thinking lately i could do without Tatyana, and after talking with a friend in gary, i came to think I was in love with how she used to be. Just sometimes when I think about it, she seems like a totally different person.

She used to think well, but now its different. I always thought she knew that with a relationship comes commitment and comes some control, and you cant say some one is controlling if its just a little. Controlling to most people is 'do this, NOW, and NOTHING ELSE' and takes over your whole life. But thats not me.

Anyways, I was thinking that I would not go out with her if I was given the chance again. Just cause shed felt what its like to be away from me, and she wont change back to what she was. But when Im around her, its a totally different story. I get butterflies, i get light headed, I get a sudden rush of excitement. Its just all too much. Am i still in love? I think so. I just get this rush, this feeling whenever I see her, or whenever I think shes around me.

And today, when I got that feeling, her attention shifted to me and what almost seemed like she was flirting with me. she poked me in the stomach, and that was just enough to show that maybe she still cared. Deep down.. or something. And at that moment, I felt like I would date her if I had the chance.

Would I do it all again? Of course. Would I do it the same? No. Id be more sweet the next time around, cause now I know what its like to lose someone you love.

Im not going to date for awhile after this... I hope..

I know why I thought I could do without her. Its cause when someone is away, people can have totally different opinions about that person. She probably thinks alot worse of me now, and doesnt think about how good of a guy I was. She more thinks about all the negative points of me. I dont understand why people think like this, but I know its mostly true. Even I think like it.

~chad